Greased Lightning (John Travolta Sucks)

     
      Ahh Hamburger Helper, truly the food of the gods.



      The most annoying part however is getting the grease out.



      Yum! I usually spoon the beef out into a bowl and then wash the pan since I don't have paper towels to quickly soak up the grease. Then I realized what I could use instead.



      FUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEAH BREEEEEEEEEAD



      SOAK THAT SHIT UP



      OM NOM NOM



      Exquisite.

Dirty Deeds

     
      Hooooooly shitting fuckballs! I just cleaned a two foot square of counter-top in my kitchen!



      Is that not the cleanest counter you've ever seen a crappy cell phone picture of in the whole world? (Wow, the grammar in that sentence makes me feel kind of bad about myself). Okay, it's actually not all that amazingly clean, but you should check out the rest of my kitchen.





      Why did I decide this was worthy of posting on the intertron for all to see? I have no idea.

Telephone Line

      This week I had three telephone numbers left for me at work, all from guys. Since I enjoy weird, awkward situations, I decided to text all of them.

1:56 - Hi, this is your waiter from kerbey lane. I am flattered to have had your number left but am unfortunately not interested. Have a nice day!

      Now, the second guy in this story, or Dude2 as I refer to him, was fairly strange to wait on, even before he left me his digits. He and his friend asked if I was "on drugs" because I looked so "peaceful." He then said "whirled peas" several times during his meal. These were his responses to my text:

1:58 - K. Of course you do not know me. I am not as you think. No worries

2:02 - I am more enlighted

2:05 - I am a hippie

2:10 - Are you up?

2:13 - Not interested just a little bit?

2:18 - I am not a bad person

2:52 - Don't mean to bother you

3:13 - Whilred peas

3:14 - Whirled peas

      Remember kids, don't talk to strangers, cause they're only there to do you harm. Don't write in starlight, cause the words may come out real.